John Key’s Christmas Card – Latest Shock Leak From National Party’s ‘Deep Throat’ November 24, 2006
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Giant, Freaky Icebergs Off South Island Coast Have No Plans To Visit Queenstown, Rotorua November 23, 2006
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New Zealand’s Birth Rate Highest Ever, According To Some Guy At Statistics New Zealand November 20, 2006
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(Wellington NZ – Press) Some guy at Statistics New Zealand apparently told someone that the country’s birth rate has rocketed to over 8.4 children per woman on average – the highest rate ever, according to this other guy your friend knows.
The person who talked to the guy from Stats apparently said that 8.4 kids sounded way too high, but the guy said no, that the stable number of deaths last year meant the natural population increase was up by 400 per cent on 2004 figures, or something.
The guy your friend knows also hesitated in accepting these figures, and contacted someone who knows Government Statistician Brian Pink’s PA, and the PA told them to tell him that Brian hadn’t said anything to them about such a high rate differential, and that the guy at Statistics may have been carrying over short-term visitor entries into his calculations, overestimating the natural increase by a factor of four over the more likely rate of 2.1 children per woman, still the highest rate since 1992, but significantly less alarming than the guy at Statistics New Zealand had suggested to the person the guy your friend knows knows.
The guy your friend knows later admitted he may have got the figure of 8.4 wrong, as there was a lot of noise in the clubrooms that morning.
Rumours that Statistics New Zealand are whisper-marketing their new statistics releases have been denied by department officials.
Driver Distractions To Be Burnt In Transport Ministry Plan November 20, 2006
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(Wellington NZ – Press) A swathe of land one kilometre wide either side of State Highway One will be torched in a Transport Ministry move to reduce the impact of scenery on road accidents.
Transport Safety Minister Harry Duynhoven yesterday oversaw the clear-felling and burning of a picturesque native woodland north of Paraparaumu, the first stretch in the government’s planned 3000 kilometre ‘dull zone’ extending the length of the country.
With latest figures suggesting that scenery may have caused as many as 124 crashes last year, officials have been quick to act, with suggested solutions ranging from a giant wall either side of SH1 through to the blacking-out of car windows to prevent the possibility of scenery affecting drivers.
The clear-felling and burning of the 60,000 hectares has proven a good compromise, with further plans for ruining other popular scenic routes and the destruction of distracting sites including the North Island’s central plateau, which will be obscured in the pall of a planned persistent tyre-fire five kilometres out of Waiouru.
In related news, attractive pedestrians are being asked to stay indoors during the day, with fears they may also cause distractions on our roads. Unattractive people can do whatever.
Met Service Releases Long-Term Forecast Through To March 2007 November 7, 2006
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‘Glass Floor’ View Makes Male Executives Queasy – Report November 7, 2006
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Adults Forget The True Meaning Of Guy Fawkes, As Parliament Considers Ban On Fireworks Sales November 7, 2006
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